Red Sox Domination
We feel bad for the Yankees. Such an illustrious history and they won’t even make it past the first round of the Playoffs this year. You’ve heard it from all the sports casters and seen it on all the sports shows. Everyone knows that you need a powerful starting rotation to do well in the playoffs, and to say the Yanks staff is a disgrace to the game of baseball is an understatement. Even Yanks fans have trouble listing the cast of bumbling dipshits that take the mound in the Bronx every night. Couple that with Santana twice in a five game series, and it’s lights out Yanks. Taking all this into consideration, we wanted to show the pinstripes that Sox fans are good sportsmen. We here at Rhode Island’s Finest took the liberty of completing a Last Will and Testament for the 2004 New York Yankees, so it’s one less thing on their mind:
Last Will and Testament
2004 New York Yankees
We, The 2004 New York Yankees, being of sound and disposing mind and memory do make, publish, and declare this to be our last Will and Testament. We appoint Curt Schilling as Executor of this our Last Will and Testament and provide if this Executor is unable or unwilling to serve then we appoint Pedro Martinez as alternate Executor. Our Executor shall be authorized to carry out all provisions of this Will and pay our just debts, obligations and funeral expenses. We will, give, and bequeath unto the persons named below, if he or she survives us, the Property described below:
- Our Pinstripe uniforms are to be given to Fenway Park, for use as bath tissue in all public restrooms.
- Mariano Rivera is to be returned to the planet Assclownian 9, the only planet where he is actually good looking.
- Alex Rodriguez leaves his large set of anal beads to former boyfriend/girlfriend RuPaul.
- Yankees Captain Derek Jeter leaves his make-up kit, vanity mirror, curling iron, eyelash curler, lip gloss, sparkly nail polish, and all unused feminine hygiene products to the children of New York.
- We leave Derek Jeter to the 3013 to do as they wish with him.
-Alex Rodriguez leaves his small set of travel anal beads to best friend Carson from Queer Eye.
-We leave Tanyon Sturtze to David Ortiz and Gabe Kapler so they can use him for a punching bag…again
-We leave John Lieber to…wait, who the fuck is John Lieber? Seriously, we have a guy named John Lieber on our team? Never heard of him…
-Kevin Brown leaves nothing because when they lost he had another little sissy fit and banged his head against the wall so hard that he died.
-Hideki Matsui’s head is to be left to the Smithsonian for analysis of the worlds largest head and largest earlobes. And then after analysis it is to be dropped from a plane onto Yankee stadium.
Well, there it is. One less thing for the Yanks to worry about while they watch the Red Sox win the World Series this year. If anyone has anything that they thing should be added, just post a comment.
Yankees suck!!!!!!!
