Predictions
ALCS prediction:
Game 1: A fluke
Game 2: Pedro pitches nine perfect innings and has 25 strike outs for the win. Bill Mueller and Kevin Millar go yard. A fight breaks out when Pedro pitches A-Rod inside. The richest crybaby on earth then whines like a bitch. Varitek collapses A-Rod’s pretty face. Derek “Mr. Hustle” Jeter hustles his ass off to go help his boyfriend, before realizing that he’s a giant pussy and promptly catches the beating of a lifetime, compliments of Bronson Arroyo. Tanyon Sturtze is out for at least 10 seasons due to brain trauma resulting from a barrage of haymakers thrown by David Ortiz and Gabe Kapler…again. Pedro is unexpectedly blindsided by a charging Joe Torre, but with a swift side step, directs Torre’s face to the turf…and then leaves some cleat marks on his face so he can compare scars with Zimmer. Final Score: 17-0 Sox
Game 3: Arroyo pitches a one hit shut out, although the Yankees get 9 other baserunners as Arroyo tries successfully to plunk every member of the Yankees Starting lineup in the crotch. The only hit coming when Sheffield tries to duck a bean ball and it accidentally hits his bat. Arroyo is suspended for 3 games, however, when he realizes that pitchers are in the starting lineup too, and fires a fastball from the Sox dugout into an unsuspecting Kevin Brown’s groin while he’s on the mound. Johnny Damon hits 2 homers, one inside the park. Orlando Cabrera hits 4 triples, and Trot goes 6 for 6 with 4 doubles off the monster. Final Score: 38-0 Sox
Game 4: Schilling pitches a no-no. Manny and Ortiz both hit a pair of dingers and combine for 15 of the Sox’s RBI’s. Johnny Damon goes 6 for 6 and steals 4 bases including home. Final Score 23-0, Sox
Game 5: Just like in Little League or a Beer League Softball game, when you severely overmatch a team, you put in your bench players and play people in different positions. Starting pitcher Doug Mirabelli gets the Win and goes 5 1/3 perfect innings before reliever Pokey Reese goes 2 2/3 solid hitless innings. Closing things out and getting the save was Johnny Damon who struck out the side in the ninth, underhand. The Boston bats showed no signs of cooling as shortstop Tim Wakefield goes 4 for 4 with 2 roundtrippers, 2nd baseman Manny Ramirez hits for the cycle, and 3rd baseman Keith Foulke batting in the 8 slot behind 1st baseman Curt Schilling steals a major league record 69 bases in one game. Final Score: 69-0 Sox
