Entries by rhodeislandsfinest

We feel bad for the Yankees. Such an illustrious history and they won’t even make it past the first round of the Playoffs this year. You’ve heard it from all the sports casters and seen it on all the sports shows. Everyone knows that you need a powerful starting rotation to do well in the playoffs, and to say the Yanks staff is a disgrace to the game of baseball is an understatement. Even Yanks fans have trouble listing the cast of bumbling dipshits that take the mound in the Bronx every night. Couple that with Santana twice in a five game series, and it’s lights out Yanks. Taking all this into consideration, we wanted to show the pinstripes that Sox fans are good sportsmen. We here at Rhode Island’s Finest took the liberty of completing a Last Will and Testament for the 2004 New York Yankees, so it’s one less thing on their mind:

Last Will and Testament
2004 New York Yankees
We, The 2004 New York Yankees, being of sound and disposing mind and memory do make, publish, and declare this to be our last Will and Testament. We appoint Curt Schilling as Executor of this our Last Will and Testament and provide if this Executor is unable or unwilling to serve then we appoint Pedro Martinez as alternate Executor. Our Executor shall be authorized to carry out all provisions of this Will and pay our just debts, obligations and funeral expenses. We will, give, and bequeath unto the persons named below, if he or she survives us, the Property described below:

- Our Pinstripe uniforms are to be given to Fenway Park, for use as bath tissue in all public restrooms.
- Mariano Rivera is to be returned to the planet Assclownian 9, the only planet where he is actually good looking.
- Alex Rodriguez leaves his large set of anal beads to former boyfriend/girlfriend RuPaul.
- Yankees Captain Derek Jeter leaves his make-up kit, vanity mirror, curling iron, eyelash curler, lip gloss, sparkly nail polish, and all unused feminine hygiene products to the children of New York.
- We leave Derek Jeter to the 3013 to do as they wish with him.
-Alex Rodriguez leaves his small set of travel anal beads to best friend Carson from Queer Eye.
-We leave Tanyon Sturtze to David Ortiz and Gabe Kapler so they can use him for a punching bag…again
-We leave John Lieber to…wait, who the fuck is John Lieber? Seriously, we have a guy named John Lieber on our team? Never heard of him…
-Kevin Brown leaves nothing because when they lost he had another little sissy fit and banged his head against the wall so hard that he died.
-Hideki Matsui’s head is to be left to the Smithsonian for analysis of the worlds largest head and largest earlobes. And then after analysis it is to be dropped from a plane onto Yankee stadium.

Well, there it is. One less thing for the Yanks to worry about while they watch the Red Sox win the World Series this year. If anyone has anything that they thing should be added, just post a comment.

Yankees suck!!!!!!!

Posted by rhodeislandsfinest in General at 11:59 | Comments (30) | Trackbacks (0)

This is the part of the web site where we answer some of the fan mail that we get. These were 3 of our favorite letters from today.

From: Thomas Olivo (thomasolivo@yahoo.com)
Subject: We’re hungry…
Hey guys,
Cool website and all. I especially like the picture of Damon and Dave with their shirts off. I check the website everyday and there never seems to be anything new. Why does it take you guys so long to update the site. Your fans are getting hungry, won’t you feed us? –Tom

Dear Tom,
Thank you for your compliments. It does take us a long time to update the site (last update: 7/12). This is for a number of reasons. The first reason is that we aren’t computer geeks and we have better things to do then sit around and type “blogs” or whatever the fuck. We have better things to do like watch sportscenter and recover from hangovers. The second reason is that it takes us a long time to develop pictures. I mean where the hell would we go to get pictures developed down here. The final reason is that it’s a Caribbean tradition to have your fingers chopped off and we have to type this with our noses and cocks. It takes forever. In addition we will be adding some pictures today so that should hold you over until the next update.
-Rhode Islands Finest



From: Dave Molinaro (dcmol19@aol.com)
Subject: Stankees
Dear Rhode Islands Finest,
I really enjoy the site, I check it everyday after I check my email, and the pictures of your smiling faces always brightens my day and takes me to a better place. That being said, I know you guys are huge Red Sox fans so you must be really excited that the Sox are the hands down favorite to win it all this year. My question is a 2 part question. Why are the Yankees are so terrible, and why is everything they do so homosexual? I mean Jeter and A-Rod could be poster boys for KY. –Dave

Dear Dave,
Thank you for the nice letter and the compliments. You are right, we are big Red Sox fans, and this is most definitely our year. As for the Yankees, they suck because they are all a bunch of overpaid crybabies who wouldn’t know heart or dedication if it were dressed as A-Rod and gave rimjobs to the entire starting lineup. You see Dave, the Yankees buy championships, and expect that just because they have all big name players that they will automatically win the world series. As the Marlins, Diamondbacks, Angels, Braves, A-Rod’s batting average, and (this year) Red Sox prove, it takes a little more to make a Champion. As for the gay issue, it is true that 95% of the team prefers to endulge in chocolate starfish as opposed to bearded clams, but people are attracted to different things and we here at rhodeislandsfinest.net don’t wish to judge a Yankees team based on sexual preference. I hope that answered your questions. Mariano Rivera looks like an alien. –Rhode Islands Finest



From: Will Clifton (wilclif@aol.com)
Subject: Big Storms
Dear rhodeislandsfinest.net,
Kickass web site guys. You guys have so many hot bitches down there it looks like you run a high priced brothel for celebrities. Let me get some of that! My question is about hurricanes. Whenever I hear about hurricanes, it sounds like they go right through your area. Why aren’t you dead yet? Holla back… -Big Willy

Dear Will,
Thank you for your letter, it certainly has been crazy with all the bitches and hurricanes. The hurricanes that you usually hear about start in the mid-Atlantic and most of the time, do come right though or area. We are about 60 miles east of Puerto Rico so when you hear about storms down here, keep that in mind. So far this season we’ve been brushed by a few including the 2 most recent ones, Ivan and Frances. They were headed right for us but when we saw them coming we were all, "What's up, bitch?!" And the storm is all, "Not, much, Sirs." And we’re all, "That's right, bitch! Now, go make us a sandwich!" And that’s the kind of confidence we have down here. When the storms leave their houses for the day, Damon goes to their houses and bangs their wives. Any way, thanks for the letter. Jeter sucks, A-rod swallows. –Rhode Islands Finest

If you have a question and would like to send an email, we are always more than happy to answer your questions. We have added new pictures today and hopefully will continue to update the website on a more regular basis.
THRACE36@aol.com
Damonp526@yahoo.com
mcgovernusvi@hotmail.com

–Rhode Islands Finest

Posted by rhodeislandsfinest in General at 14:51 | Comments (116) | Trackbacks (0)

After a very nice week in New England I'm back in good ol' St. Thomas. To be honest I could have spent a couple more days back home in civilization, but the beaches and warm weather should take care of that.

This summer is looking pretty slow (except for July 4th), so anyone who wants to come visit we'd love to have you. Holla Back!

Posted by rhodeislandsfinest in General at 15:26 | Comments (67) | Trackbacks (0)